I'm sorry this is such a lame blog

I'm sorry I don't post more, or have more interesting opinions, or more readers, or more glamorous friends

I'm sorry I am so old without being more famous or richer

I'm sorry that I have never left North America

I'm sorry that I never actually reviewed that record you sent me, I probably liked it just fine but just ran out of time, gotta play catch with Sammy sometimes

I'm sorry I haven't cleaned up my office or the basement

I'm sorry I only own three Led Zeppelin albums on CD, four if you count the bootleg from my brother

I'm sorry to anyone I was ever mean to, usually indirectly because I'm passive-aggressive

I'm sorry if I ever cracked an offensive joke even if no one who heard it was directly affected by it

I'm sorry I am not closer to my brothers, I'm sorry I never visit my mother

I'm sorry U.S. people do not like to listen to music from Africa and South America

I'm sorry I weigh 20 pounds too much, maybe 25 some days

I'm sorry I have a lot of cheap clothes from Old Navy and not a lot of slightly-more-expensive clothes from Limited Men or something, I'm trying now that I'm wearing ties to work

I'm sorry I haven't made my company a million more dollars yet, I've been here long enough

I'm sorry I don't hate my life enough to radically change it

I'm sorry I don't appreciate my life more, it's actually pretty good

I'm sorry I don't show everyone I love how much I love them

I'm sorry I'm lazy, I'm sorry I like TV shows, I'm sorry I haven't written my breakthrough novel yet

I'm sorry I never asked out those girls in high school and college that I should have asked out

I'm sorry I am rooting for my favorite basketball teams to lose so they can get a better draft position

I'm sorry I didn't call my mom after her back surgery, I should have known "it's no big deal" was a big fat lie

I'm sorry I buy Blue Öyster Cult albums with cash when I feel sad instead of dealing with my feelings

But I'm not sorry about anything else so shut the hell up and let me work it out.