who is Jagged K. Velocity and why is she and/or he calling me 'chickenbutt'?

a sample of recent individuals concerned with the length/width/rigidity of my manhood, or how I can make a fortune on eBay, or that I not miss the opportunity to see Paris Hilton's new sex tape, ranked in order, most plausible to least plausible:

Sydney E. Hull*
Raymond E. Trujillo
Bianca D. Cantrell
Edwina M. Tipton
Will B. Greenwood
Earnestine C. Orr
Muriel N. Hinton
Opal E. Hightower
Leanne R. Glass
Duncan L. Roper
Johnathan F. Bowers
Reggie N. Harrell
Nestor P. Marsh
Olga H. Middleton
Alton P. Vaughan
Olin B. Duran
Lindsay A. Crouch
Isaac L. Newsome
Tyree M. Polk
Midstream H. Adverting
Alicia V. Earplug
Stipends H. Discuses
Howdah D. Twila
Eucharist O. Dismantle
Doldrums D. Disposal
Ursa F. Negotiate
Evictions I. Refurnish
Alcyone E. Surtax
Folksier I. Thumbing
Vastness B. Alias
Disneyland F. Bucking
Rheostat F. Veneration**
Workforce I. Miniaturist
Thread G. Superiority
Jagged K. Velocity**

*ranked #1 because I actually KNOW someone named Sydney Hull, and she was hottt.
**emails from these individuals began, "Hey Chickenbutt." I mean I know it, and you know it, and everyone knows it, but damn, that's not a good sales technique.

I have also recently received emails from the delightful Lolita Eddy and someone named Jacquelyn Irving, whose subject line read, charmingly, "Do you want a huangelicage slaboriginalong?" Come on, who doesn't want a huangelicage slaboriginalong?

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